I just finished reading an article by Abraham Piper (son of Uncle John Piper) "12 Ways to Love Your Wayward Child".
Having once been a wayward child, I find it interesting this topic of how to love that child. I personally am sad to think of the grief, pain and tears I caused my parents during the years I so clearly rejected the rule of Christ in my life and lived to please myself rather than in obedience to the Lord Jesus!
I often try to think of what I thought about life, parents, brothers, career, priorities, love, boys, money etc… I have a blurry memory of my worldview back then. I don’t quite remember what drove me or how I might have articulated my point of view but I now look back and make assumptions of what I was thinking based upon the choices I made and actions I did!
I often wonder if my parents could have done things differently to steer me back to Christ earlier… but it doesn’t really matter because God has graciously acted in my life to bring me home.
This is rather a long post but thought that it would be God glorifying to share my personal insights into the points that Abraham offers to the many parents who are broken hearted and completely baffled by their children.
May you sing the praises of God our Saviour.
1. Point them to Christ.
Their number one problem = they aren’t following Christ.
2. Pray
I know this is what my family armed themselves with. My brothers in particular prayed for me with their bible study groups and pastors – which proved embarrassing for me later when I started going back to church as people told me ‘oh you’re the sister we have been praying for’.
As I read through some bible study notes of my mum’s or brothers and see in the prayer points section my name and the request that I would come back to Christ, I can’t help but shed a tear and then praise God for how he has mightily worked in my life.
Best thing to do is ask for the Lord to work that He would display himself in a way to those wandering that they can’t resist worshiping him.
3. Acknowledge that something is wrong.
I hated anyone who for doing it… I thought they were judgmental, conservative kill-joy’s! But it's the truth I needed to hear even if I didn't like it. I guess it's true: the truth hurts!
4. Don’t expect them to be Christ-like.
THANK YOU! Why on earth would people expect someone to go to church, have a Christian boyfriend, not drink, smoke or swear if they weren’t a Christian!
My conscious was at work to condemn me.
5. Welcome them home.
I once got a text reminder of my home address from my mum - after spending several late nights out and staying at friend’s houses! My home was always my home, even though I rarely wanted to be there. I used it as when convenient, place to sleep, place with free car to borrow and place to do uni assignments. But at least this was enough to bring me home and for God to remind me of my dependence on my parent’s kindness!
6. Plead with them more than you rebuke them.
“What really concerns you is that your child is destroying herself, not that she’s breaking rules. Treat her in a way that makes this clear. She probably knows—especially if she was raised as a Christian—that what she’s doing is wrong. And she definitely knows you think it is…. Her conscience can condemn her by itself.”
SO TRUE SO TRUE … And oh how it did – I really did want to be like my brothers… but it was too hard. I had no Christian friends and if God wants me to be a Christian then he would make it easy and give me some Christian friends! Right?
I knew exactly what I was doing was wrong. And the more I did what I knew angered my folks the better. I hated them because I thought they hated me. In reality they were upset that I had rejected Christ!
But by living in a home full of believers, my rebellious life stood out against the bright lights that shone for Jesus. I could see it and I felt condemned just by living alongside my family.
7. Connect them to believers who have better access to them. My brothers tried really hard… they invited me to church and persisted but I just wasn’t ready for many years to give up my life for Christ. My heart was hard. I hated my brothers because I thought they hated me so I rarely, if ever, shared with them and never did I want to let my guard down, loose my pride and admit to them I had been wrong.
Thank God I met Lizzie and Nicole at St Thomas’ where I could share all of my life with people who I felt didn’t pass judgment but could share their struggles with putting Christ as Lord! God used them and gave them emotional access to me – I could trust them and enjoyed their company. Together we battled the sin that lurked in our lives.
8. Respect their friends. This is something that perhaps my family didn’t do so well: they always asked, “why do you want to hang out with them for?” “I have never seen so called friends fight so much – why bother with them”
I resented it every time a comment was made about my friends. My friends at the time where my family… I loved them, idolized them, wanted to be them… and when your family says something about them, they were saying something about me.
I also thought that I was evangelizing my friends and I was there only hope of them becoming Christians – don’t quite know what brand of the gospel I had on offer – probably just the Saviour part of the GET OUT OF JAIL FREE CARD gospel – oops I would have left out the Lord & obedience bit!?!
9. Email them.Praise God for technology that lets you stay in your kids’ lives so easily! Mum did this well with SMS texts… just letting me know the comings and goings…
Even though I was disinterested in family life, I felt so upset and angry when extended family gatherings or events were never mentioned to me. I felt even more out of the loop & unwanted.
But the notes slipped under my bedroom door: At Work, home at 6pm! meant a lot to me - even though I would pretend not to care. Dad also would drop it in conversation to let me know he was praying for me.
10. Take them to lunch.I guess Mum and Dad tried their best when I would let them take me shopping – just when I needed something… at least it made me sit in the car with them and walk around the shops together and in some way relate.
11. Take an interest in their pursuits.They always came to my uni productions and performances. I remember it meaning the most to me when my brother and Liz (his then fiancé) came… and I knew Liz would hate the experimental theatre stuff we would be doing. But I clearly remember good thoughts about my family that day.
12. Point them to Christ.This can’t be over-stressed. Their number one problem = they aren’t following Christ.
Oh and how kind and gracious our Father is…
The glitter and sparkle of this world quickly turned bleak when I had to reason with myself the reality of death - as it was was staring at me in the face. Over the years from year 10 my friends and I have pretty much had a funeral to attend (no weddings yet, only funerals).
Amongst us we have had to deal deaths of peers, brothers, cousins, extended family, mums and dads involving suicide, old age, HIV/AIDS, heart attacks, Bali bombing, sudden aneurysm, cancer… Unfortunately for my friends it seems to have hardened their hearts against God but for me it was the melting pot, to realise my desperate need of a Saviour!
I realised that nothing in this life lasts. This world is empty. I clung to Christ, my first love, my true treasure, my rock, my hope and my salvation.
Please pray that God would pour out His Spirit of Grace upon my friends that they too could comprehend the love that awaits them in Christ.
It is only by His grace, He is the one who drew me from the perilous pursuits of this world and united me safely to himself – captive but completely & eternally satisfied!
I fought the Lord, but He won.
One of the girls feeding me Chocolate Mousse while blindfolded.
